Stare
Posted on January 25, 2012 2:35 pm under Grandma Tidbits
Tags: Three Word Wednesday | 8 Comments
“Don’t stare.” my mother told me.
For two weeks, I had hugged the news close to my heart. Grandpa was coming to live with us. The day had finally arrived and my father had left to fetch him. Soon the car crawled up the drive and my feet ached to run and greet him. My mother’s hand restrained me and my mind filled with confusion. Why couldn’t I look at Grandpa?
In the weeks that followed, the admonishment was repeated. Don’t stare at the food dribbling down Grandpa’s chin. Don’t stare at his lumbering walk or fumbling fingers. Don’t stare. I longed to spend time with him, to sit nearby, to look at his beloved face, to listen and be heard. Don’t stare.
“Are you scared of me?” he asked one day.
I shook my head, but kept my eyes down.
“I don’t look quite the same or move quite the same, but I haven’t changed inside. We can still talk and joke, just like we used to. Come sit by me and see.”
I didn’t need a second invitation. In the days that followed, we spent many hours together.
The memory of those days still linger, unimpeded by the blood clot that caused a train wreck in my brain. My movements are awkward. My brain and my body exist in separate bubbles and struggle to communicate. Both are enveloped in a larger bubble; the one that separates us from the world. Medical personnel talk about me without acknowledging my presence. Waiters ask my daughter what I’d like to eat. Mothers restrain their children and tell them not to stare.
Please stare. Look at me and don’t turn away. Talk to me. I am still here. I am still me. Please stare.
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8 Responses to “Stare”
January 25th, 2012 at 3:09 pm
good story and people do like to be included they are still in there no matter what.
January 26th, 2012 at 4:54 am
A poignant reminder not to change because someone else has unwillingly. They still want you to feel the same about them.
January 26th, 2012 at 7:13 am
I remember my late grandma, I miss her until now. She was bedridden for months and stayed with us at home. I wonder what thoughts were running through her mind that time.
January 26th, 2012 at 8:14 am
This is so appropriate- for me today! thank you.
January 26th, 2012 at 9:53 am
Very touching. A very real emotional experience.
January 26th, 2012 at 7:07 pm
That was so true …. so sad, but true! I have seen so many among my grandparents’ friends go through such hardships…
was a poignant story
January 28th, 2012 at 11:43 am
So sad, so wonderful. A very good write.
I went through years of this with my dad, but I still loved him, and I know he still loved me. After traveling across two Canadian provinces to visit him, I couldn’t act as if he didn’t exist.
K
January 29th, 2012 at 2:59 pm
Everytime I visit my dad I see a sparkle in his eyes ..He still reads the newspaper and enjoys story telling though its not like how it used to be..